‘So Phebe, why is purple your favourite colour?’ My therapist asked me .....
I shuffled uncomfortably in my seat.
I had never really thought about that answer before.
All I knew was that purple had become my favourite colour over a period of time.
There were times I would actually look like a virtual plum! - lol - looking back at pictures, I think - ‘Wow Phebz! Lololol - you really love purple enit!!!???’ I was dressed in purple from head to toe!
From purple hair, top, vest, bra, knickers, leggings, uggs, coat and handbag.
I was also a lot rounder in body in that period..... so, yes a virtual plum... waddling around is what I now think I looked like - lol
‘How does the colour purple make you feel?’ She asked .... breaking my now uncomfortable silent thoughts.
I closed my eyes and pictured the rich vibrant colour behind my eyelids. Not just one shade. Alllllllll shades. Light purple, dark purple, medium purple.
My mouth started watering and I didn’t understand why.
‘Umm, m-m-my mouth.... it waters....’ I stammered.
I opened my eyes quickly expecting a weird reaction from her, but instead she smiled.
‘So it makes you feel good’ she continued smiling.
I relaxed, relieved that she wasn’t judging me for being somewhat ‘crazy’
‘Yes, that’s what I mean, my mouth waters in a good way. It makes me feel happy.....’
She sat up straight and continued to speak to me while writing on the pages of her note pad.
‘So here’s what I want you to do for your homework. Have a little think about how and why you like the colour ‘purple’ in your life and make it purposeful. From this moment on, be deliberate with having something purple on you. Even if it’s small, and when you look at it, remember the feeling it gives you’
At this stage in my life I had now stopped wearing as much purple as the ‘virtual plum days’ but still always seemed to have something purple on me.
A purse, a diary, a ring or even a pen.
I wasn’t wearing as much purple because I was critiqued for wearing it so much. Due to other people’s comments and opinions I wore it too much and looked like a ‘big kid’.
So what did I do? I took away the one thing that made me feel happy about myself, and got rid of it almost completely!
There Phebe goes again, worrying about what others thought. **eye roll**
I was now sitting in a therapy session having been now smacked **BAM** in the face, with the reality that you can’t please everyone and stop people thinking what they want to think even if you try your best to do everything to please everyone else......(more about that in another blog)
When my therapist suggested having something purple on me ‘deliberate and meaningful’ I felt a tiny gallop of excitment in my stomach that somehow validated me having purple on me at all times.
It’s the little things :) lol
Have you ever looked up the meaning of the colour purple?
‘Purple combines the calm stability of blue and the fierce energy of red. The color purple is often associated with royalty, nobility, luxury, power, and ambition. Purple also represents meanings of wealth, extravagance, creativity, wisdom, dignity, grandeur, devotion, peace, pride, mystery, independence, and magic.’
After looking up the meaning of purple it occurred to me that perhaps my subconscious was telling me that I am a woman of royalty, power, and ambition all this time.
Despite what negativity the world throws at me, I am going somewhere and will be always be ok because ...... ‘I am royalty’
**insert scratched record here!!!!**
Ok, let’s be real, in this very moment, sitting in my therapy session, desperate for mental help after:
Being married for 9 short months
Being abused and lied on by my now ex-husband and his family on social media
Then learning via the same social media platform that my 9 year old stepson was about to pass away to cancer,
Then getting into the habit of smoking 20 cigarettes a day,
Having tried to commit suicide
What...??? I was FAR from feeling ‘royal’ Pfft..... please .....!
I took a deep breath.
Jheeze! ......... This was going to be a long road to recovery.
BUT!!!!!.......... for now, what I knew for sure was, purple had been a big part of my life for some time, and I didn’t know why I was so drawn to that colour.
I was now going to choose to hold on to that tiny detail, deliberately and use it as tiny steps towards my healing process.
Now nearly 3 years later from that particular therapy session I have purple dotted around in different places.
Even if it’s my nail colour, or wearing purple lipstick, or a pen in my handbag or even the purple wall in my bedroom of my new house I’m reminded that I am royal, ambitious, vibrant and powerful.
...... to be continued
Purple Love to you all 💜
Phenomenally Purple Phebe